I AM LOST. And that's that.

BISMILLAHIRRAHMANIRRAHIM...

Alhamdulillah aku masih hidup lagi... Syukur Ya Allah...

However,

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These past few days...


I have been feeling quite,

demotivated

dissapointed

depressed

sad

frustrated

and angry

with myself.


MY OWN SELF...


BIG TIME.


At first I thought it's just my feeling and that I thought too much about it........ but..........

as time goes by, I started to realize that I am about to become useless in everything... 

Maybe I already am...

There's nothing that I can do right. Everything went totally wrong. Just wrong. All the way.

I screwed my lesson plan, screwed my SBE, screwed my printer which costs hundreds, screwed my UB uniform which also costs hundreds, screwed dad's printer, screwed my teaching, screwed being a student, screwed being teacher, screwed being a daughter, screwed being a friend. What else?!!!!!!!

YA ALLAH :'(

I got angry with myself. Really frustrated! For not being able to do anything right.

Kenapa semua orang boleh buat dengan betul tapi aku x boleh!

Kenapa benda yang semua orang senang betul mo buat & paham aku pulak x boleh!

Why do I have to be this clumsy!!!!!!!

Doing everything carelessly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doing everything wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aku fed up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Frustrated dengan diri aku yang x boleh buat sesuatu dengan betul walaupun benda tu senang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate the fact that people think  I CAN DO EVERYTHING BUT THE TRUTH IS, I CANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I JUST CAN'T!!!!!

Aku benci bila semua orang ingat aku boleh buat itu buat ini tapi sebenarnya TIDAK!!!!

AKU BENCI BILA ORANG INGAT AKU BOLEH BUAT SEMUA BENDA DENGAN SENANG TAPI HAKIKATNYA???!!!!!!!

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Look at me... :'(

Just look

I screwed everything.

EVERYTHING.

Semua orang cakap,

don't worry everything will be fine,

 it will be ok,

everything will go well.

NO...
It's not fine.
It's not ok.
It's not well enough :'( 

Aku harap Allah turunkan kekuatan untuk aku, kesabaran untuk aku faham kenapa semua ni jadi, because I just don't think I can do this anymore. I can't gain my own strength for this. I feel that I am too weak.

I'M LOST.